I would have taken pictures to share, however my camera has 500 pictures on it and therefore is full and unusable-I know, I know.
Anyways, last night, Mikayla wanted P and J'S. For those of you from Rockford, that's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich:-). So, I told her to make one by herself. Well she got the P and then the J and the bread, of course, and proceeded to work on her project. While I was doing dishes, I heard in a very Julia Childs sort of way, "First, you have to take some peanut butter, then you swoosh it on the bread like this..." On and on she went for about a minute before I realized I should be getting this on film. I grabbed my camera and started taping her without her knowing it for about another minute before she caught me out of the corner of her eyes, turned around, stopped talking immediately and smiled while her cheeks turned rosy. It was absolutely hilarious!! My little girl is such a joy to have in our home!!
Then this morning, as I was getting ready to leave the house with Austin and Mikayla, I was upstairs putting on my make up and heard some very interesting things coming from the living room below. The night before, I ran through the states flashcards with Zachary which was very trying because he remembers very few of them. I left the cards on the end table, and I guess Austin and Mikayla were bored because they were actually using them(I guess they had to do SOMETHING since I did not want them to watch tv). I heard Austin trying to pronounce the states and Mikayla would repeat what he said. "Lousy-anna, Loosyana, oh LOUISIANA!. PennsIle-vanIa, no Peensulvania, PENNSYLVANIA, that's Pennsylvania." And so on. Again, hilarious, and enjoyable, I couldn't helped but be tickled. I love homeschooling!
Lastly, we were going out today because the third graders were doing chapel at school and we were invited to come and enjoy it. They had worked on a project about a month ago that they called there faith builders papers. They had to write about something that happened in their lives where God answered prayer, or protected them, or provided for them. They also had to draw a picture of their story, and I sat through almost the whole chapel thinking Zach was not going to read his. I was wrong. He went last, and he read about an evening in November when he was in a car accident with his family. His picture was a snapshot of the scene from above, as if he were in a helicopter filming it, and there sat the two cars that came together and changed our lives. Mikayla gasped and I looked at her. Her big brown eyes looked at me knowingly and then she smiled. I put my arms around her and the tears came-even though I fought them back. After chapel, Zach was helping clean up as I watched him, and he spotted me and made a b-line right into my arms. Those are the best hugs-and I was so proud of him!! He is really growing up!!
That's my tickles and tears for today. Hope you enjoyed them! Have a great day.
Finding Joy in My Investments
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
To Stay or Not to Stay, That is the Question!
Why does guilt follow me wherever I go?
I ask myself that question often. Some of it is because I have some things TO BE guilty about, like, watching a movie when I SHOULD be working, spending too much money at the grocery store, or "forgetting" to study spelling words with Zach before bed.
But some of it I know is unfounded. I have really been struggling with this question in my life-should I be helping out with the income in our family? I feel guilty for not working a job of some kind, but know in my heart that it would be difficult for me, for all of us. But it plagues me and eats at me. I sometimes ask God what to do, and wait for an answer and feel as though I have not gotten one. Many mothers I know, have jobs, and for different reasons, a big one being finances, but there are other reasons.
In all honesty, I do NOT want to work a job outside the home!!! I cringe at the very thought, for many reasons. I guess that is what I feel most guilty about, not being willing to work, or being afraid to. What would I do? Where would I work and when? Who would I work with??? I know every person has to face these questions-they are a part of life. But, I am almost thirty five and I have not worked in over eleven years. It scares me. So its the fear I am feeling guilty about, not my desire to be a stay at home mom.
I have been trying to let this go and wait on the Lord, because maybe I am just not supposed to have a job right now or for a long time or ever. I do love homeschooling Austin and Mikayla. But sometimes I long for more-and maybe I just need to be content with what's on my plate at the moment. God knows what I can handle.
In the meantime, I have been wanting to be the very best wife, mom, and homemaker I can possibly be. It needs some polishing!! But we're working on it. :-)
I ask myself that question often. Some of it is because I have some things TO BE guilty about, like, watching a movie when I SHOULD be working, spending too much money at the grocery store, or "forgetting" to study spelling words with Zach before bed.
But some of it I know is unfounded. I have really been struggling with this question in my life-should I be helping out with the income in our family? I feel guilty for not working a job of some kind, but know in my heart that it would be difficult for me, for all of us. But it plagues me and eats at me. I sometimes ask God what to do, and wait for an answer and feel as though I have not gotten one. Many mothers I know, have jobs, and for different reasons, a big one being finances, but there are other reasons.
In all honesty, I do NOT want to work a job outside the home!!! I cringe at the very thought, for many reasons. I guess that is what I feel most guilty about, not being willing to work, or being afraid to. What would I do? Where would I work and when? Who would I work with??? I know every person has to face these questions-they are a part of life. But, I am almost thirty five and I have not worked in over eleven years. It scares me. So its the fear I am feeling guilty about, not my desire to be a stay at home mom.
I have been trying to let this go and wait on the Lord, because maybe I am just not supposed to have a job right now or for a long time or ever. I do love homeschooling Austin and Mikayla. But sometimes I long for more-and maybe I just need to be content with what's on my plate at the moment. God knows what I can handle.
In the meantime, I have been wanting to be the very best wife, mom, and homemaker I can possibly be. It needs some polishing!! But we're working on it. :-)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Just in the library.
God is good. He really is. Even though I feel like a failure sometimes, and I wish I could be someone else many times, I know deep down in the depths of my heart that God is good, and loving and He has got everything under control.
I am jealous. Jealous of things I think I am not. Things I want to be. I know it is silly and wrong, but it's still there. I have to let it go. I am jealous of others-what they have, who they are, and what they are capable of. I have to let it go. It is something that I am really struggling with right now.
But I know that God has me where I am right now. I don't feel it, but I know it, and I have to get on my knees every day to make sure I remember it!!
I suppose that is enough "eeyore" for this post. :-)
Spring is on it's way-yahoo!!!!
I am jealous. Jealous of things I think I am not. Things I want to be. I know it is silly and wrong, but it's still there. I have to let it go. I am jealous of others-what they have, who they are, and what they are capable of. I have to let it go. It is something that I am really struggling with right now.
But I know that God has me where I am right now. I don't feel it, but I know it, and I have to get on my knees every day to make sure I remember it!!
I suppose that is enough "eeyore" for this post. :-)
Spring is on it's way-yahoo!!!!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Boys!
They love to drive tractors!
And sumo wrestle.
They LOVE to borrow mom's camera, without mom knowing about it and take several up close snot shots of their heads. 
At least this one does.
They do not care what hats do to their hair!
See, no big deal!
This one LOVES to shovel snow-and play in it.
This guy has a million faces.
This boy likes double decker balogna and cheese sandwiches!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Experiencing Technical Difficulties.
My computer won't work. And even though I have a laptop, it will not work with my present modem, so here I am sitting at the library as usual, only I am using my laptop with their wireless service. I can't help but find the humor in it all!!
Hopefully we can figure out the problem with our home computer and get wireless service at home so I can use my laptop at home.
My husband bought me the laptop for valentines day and I was utterly and completely surprised. Thank you Babe!!
I am so thankful for my family. I admit we are rough around the edges, but every day is a new day. For the last three days, Zach has been home sick, and we have all enjoyed each other. Yesterday, Zach and Austin made all these paper airplanes and played airport and flew them around the house. It was so neat to watch them play. I miss that. When I homeschooled all of them, it was so hard for me, I was not well, and the kids fought so much. But when the boys played together and imagined and created and enjoyed each other, it made my heart sing. I loved to listen to there chatter about airplanes and how they fly, or where exactly to place the army guys. I got to see that again yesterday, and I rejoiced. I miss having them all home, but God had other plans and I know they are where they should be at this time.
I must go for now. Thanks for stopping by-all two of you>chuckle<.
Hopefully we can figure out the problem with our home computer and get wireless service at home so I can use my laptop at home.
My husband bought me the laptop for valentines day and I was utterly and completely surprised. Thank you Babe!!
I am so thankful for my family. I admit we are rough around the edges, but every day is a new day. For the last three days, Zach has been home sick, and we have all enjoyed each other. Yesterday, Zach and Austin made all these paper airplanes and played airport and flew them around the house. It was so neat to watch them play. I miss that. When I homeschooled all of them, it was so hard for me, I was not well, and the kids fought so much. But when the boys played together and imagined and created and enjoyed each other, it made my heart sing. I loved to listen to there chatter about airplanes and how they fly, or where exactly to place the army guys. I got to see that again yesterday, and I rejoiced. I miss having them all home, but God had other plans and I know they are where they should be at this time.
I must go for now. Thanks for stopping by-all two of you>chuckle<.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Ingeniously Dangerous
If you ever want to laugh out loud, if you ever want to laugh until your sides burst open, do the following. Get some big old t-shirts and some baggie pants, put them on your kids, stuff them full of blankets and pillows and let your kids wrestle, run into each other, and pile on top of each other. We call it "sumo night". Here ar some pictures of our hysterically funny evening. I will caution you-you need lots of space, and you need to watch carefully so no one gets hurt. Here goes...
Austin looking tough.
Zachary sitting, and Mikayla trying to.
Isaac looking cool.
Mikayla was the funniest-she just made me laugh and laugh. She would fall down, or sit down, and she couln't get up. Then she would just start giggling because she was stuck.
The boys were hamming it up for me-it was sooo much fun. But it was dangerous. Not something we do every day. But once in a while it's wonderful for a night full of laughter and fun!! Five stars for Sumo night!~
Austin looking tough.
Zachary sitting, and Mikayla trying to.
Isaac looking cool. 
Mikayla was the funniest-she just made me laugh and laugh. She would fall down, or sit down, and she couln't get up. Then she would just start giggling because she was stuck. 
The boys were hamming it up for me-it was sooo much fun. But it was dangerous. Not something we do every day. But once in a while it's wonderful for a night full of laughter and fun!! Five stars for Sumo night!~Saturday, February 28, 2009
A Foolish Woman Wises Up, Hopefully.
For a long time now, years actually, I have been suffering from a severe case of stupidity. But maybe most mothers do-at least in the beginning and probably not as long as I have suffered from it. But one day, I woke up and gave myself a V-8 smack on the forhead.
I can see the question mark over your head. I understand, truly, because I was clueless for so many years and now the veil of ignorance has been lifted from my face. With the help of those closest to me, and not easily mind you, I have been forced to assess my life, with a microscope. I don't like what I see. As a matter of fact, I hate it.
When I was little, I had parents, like most of you out there did. I think they did what they knew how to do, and they made alot of mistakes doing it, but I try to tell myself they did the best they could. I cannot judge them, and I must love them. I can say that, but do you know how hard that is to actually do?? Yeah, some of you probably do. It's work-a job-no, an investment-a really hard and messy investment that, to be honest with you, I have not been making myself-but that's another story for another day.
But I realized that there are so many things in this life that are good, even great investments, and I am not talking about the money kind. No, I am refering to the people kind. See when we started our family, fast and furious it was, and I had no clue what I was doing. We didn't have a plan, God just brought four kids to us in five years and that was that. They kept coming, and we kept going, and I was okay, for the most part. Babies were easy for me-they can't argue with you, or talk back or run away from you. But as we all know, babies eat and poop, and grow while they're doing it, and before you know it, there's this little person who belongs to YOU, and he starts to be naughty, yup, that's what I said-he just starts defying you.
I never knew how to handle it. I never really knew I was supposed to do something about it when the child is two. I did not know these things, I had to learn all of these things as I went, you know, and by the time my fourth child was two I think I got the picture, maybe. The point is, I didn't know it all and no mother does. And the crazy thing is, it's always changing on you. Just when you think you got something down with one of your children, they morph into something else that needs fine tuning.
It's a machine, parenting. A machine that needs oil changes, and tune ups, and new shocks or brakes once in a while. And if you service it, it runs so much more smoothly. Not perfect mind you, but better.
The V-8 moment came to me the other night when I was out with my friends who are rather candid at times(of course that's what a real friend should be, right?-despite the sharp pain you feel in the middle of your chest when they ARE that way)>Ahem...
Need I say more. I lost my way. I just lost my way. There is no investment I would rather make than the one I make every day in my kids. But for some odd unexplainable and ridiculously stupid reason, it is the absolute hardest investment for me to make. I do not think I have ever taken my role as a mom as serious as I should have. Oh, I loved and do love my children, but I know that I have been selfish and I have stolen from them what should rightfully be theres-my time and my energy.
The question is, where do I go from here? Well, folks, I have been asking this question for a few years now and the answer has NEVER been one I want to hear, which is why I haven't changed. But the answer Is as clear as a bell, and always has been, HARD WORK.
Being a mother is work, in and of itself, but, being a good one-that is HARD work. I have never been very good at hard work, but now I know what I want in life. Yeah, at thirty five, it finally hits me, how convenient, right? I am a mother. I want to be a good one. There are too many things in this life that we grab for that just do not matter. So many things we give ourselves to that may be great things but they are not the best things.
I'm not going to lie to you. I am not going to wake up tomorrow, or next week, or next year and say, oh, well I am a pretty darn good mom now, if I do say so myself. No. But, I have to stop complaining. That's a start. I have to pray. I can't do this without God. I have to give him my stuff. AGAIN. Yes, I said again. I am really good at taking it back. I can't change that today, my kids fought all day and disobeyed me over and over again, and I lost my cool and became angry for pretty much all of the day. No, I can't go back. I can only do tomorrow-the age old addage "Tomorrow is another day" is reality. Do my best and leave the rest up to God-it's all I can do. It's all any of us can do, but how many times do I beat myself up because I want to be the perfect mother that I will never rise to.
Today is almost over and it was pretty bad. But tomorrow, I can try again, and pray that it gets better. I can love my kids, and serve my family, and honor my husband, and say sorry when I mess up, and pray when I don't know what to do, and hold my tongue when I want to swear at someone for doing something really stupid.
BUT, it won't happen without hard work-oh, those nasty little words again. I HATE hard work, but the investments I make now, may someday come back to me ten fold. And hopefully, those investments will be happy and healthy too. I pray they are. I hope they are.
I can see the question mark over your head. I understand, truly, because I was clueless for so many years and now the veil of ignorance has been lifted from my face. With the help of those closest to me, and not easily mind you, I have been forced to assess my life, with a microscope. I don't like what I see. As a matter of fact, I hate it.
When I was little, I had parents, like most of you out there did. I think they did what they knew how to do, and they made alot of mistakes doing it, but I try to tell myself they did the best they could. I cannot judge them, and I must love them. I can say that, but do you know how hard that is to actually do?? Yeah, some of you probably do. It's work-a job-no, an investment-a really hard and messy investment that, to be honest with you, I have not been making myself-but that's another story for another day.
But I realized that there are so many things in this life that are good, even great investments, and I am not talking about the money kind. No, I am refering to the people kind. See when we started our family, fast and furious it was, and I had no clue what I was doing. We didn't have a plan, God just brought four kids to us in five years and that was that. They kept coming, and we kept going, and I was okay, for the most part. Babies were easy for me-they can't argue with you, or talk back or run away from you. But as we all know, babies eat and poop, and grow while they're doing it, and before you know it, there's this little person who belongs to YOU, and he starts to be naughty, yup, that's what I said-he just starts defying you.
I never knew how to handle it. I never really knew I was supposed to do something about it when the child is two. I did not know these things, I had to learn all of these things as I went, you know, and by the time my fourth child was two I think I got the picture, maybe. The point is, I didn't know it all and no mother does. And the crazy thing is, it's always changing on you. Just when you think you got something down with one of your children, they morph into something else that needs fine tuning.
It's a machine, parenting. A machine that needs oil changes, and tune ups, and new shocks or brakes once in a while. And if you service it, it runs so much more smoothly. Not perfect mind you, but better.
The V-8 moment came to me the other night when I was out with my friends who are rather candid at times(of course that's what a real friend should be, right?-despite the sharp pain you feel in the middle of your chest when they ARE that way)>Ahem...
Need I say more. I lost my way. I just lost my way. There is no investment I would rather make than the one I make every day in my kids. But for some odd unexplainable and ridiculously stupid reason, it is the absolute hardest investment for me to make. I do not think I have ever taken my role as a mom as serious as I should have. Oh, I loved and do love my children, but I know that I have been selfish and I have stolen from them what should rightfully be theres-my time and my energy.
The question is, where do I go from here? Well, folks, I have been asking this question for a few years now and the answer has NEVER been one I want to hear, which is why I haven't changed. But the answer Is as clear as a bell, and always has been, HARD WORK.
Being a mother is work, in and of itself, but, being a good one-that is HARD work. I have never been very good at hard work, but now I know what I want in life. Yeah, at thirty five, it finally hits me, how convenient, right? I am a mother. I want to be a good one. There are too many things in this life that we grab for that just do not matter. So many things we give ourselves to that may be great things but they are not the best things.
I'm not going to lie to you. I am not going to wake up tomorrow, or next week, or next year and say, oh, well I am a pretty darn good mom now, if I do say so myself. No. But, I have to stop complaining. That's a start. I have to pray. I can't do this without God. I have to give him my stuff. AGAIN. Yes, I said again. I am really good at taking it back. I can't change that today, my kids fought all day and disobeyed me over and over again, and I lost my cool and became angry for pretty much all of the day. No, I can't go back. I can only do tomorrow-the age old addage "Tomorrow is another day" is reality. Do my best and leave the rest up to God-it's all I can do. It's all any of us can do, but how many times do I beat myself up because I want to be the perfect mother that I will never rise to.
Today is almost over and it was pretty bad. But tomorrow, I can try again, and pray that it gets better. I can love my kids, and serve my family, and honor my husband, and say sorry when I mess up, and pray when I don't know what to do, and hold my tongue when I want to swear at someone for doing something really stupid.
BUT, it won't happen without hard work-oh, those nasty little words again. I HATE hard work, but the investments I make now, may someday come back to me ten fold. And hopefully, those investments will be happy and healthy too. I pray they are. I hope they are.
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