Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I Just Want to Be Normal!

I am certifiable! most people think I am being silly when I say that, but I am definitely on the very edge of normal.

I cannot do two things at once. Now maybe one might say that isn't all that abnormal, but it has wreaked havoc in my life. I never have two things going right all at the same time. I am working on a project right now-my son'e bedroom. Ripping up carpet, spackling, painting, and then after we are done in there-the other kids rooms are next. It's alot of work! But while I am doing this-nothing else is right. The kids are crazy, the house is in upheavel, and I am wound very tight!!

How do people do it? I know that many people do it. I am still trying to step back and look at myself for who I am and what I do.

But right now-I have some spackling to do.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Finally-Pics of our trip!

Well, it's about time, isn't it?? These are pics from our trip to the lake, well a few. I took like 150 pictures. The more you take, the more good ones you get. And here they are
The boys creations in the sand. They had roads and bridges and rivers-it was cool!
And the girls creation? Bracelets with grandma!

A thunderstorm-the sky looked so awesome !

Not the greatest picture, but it was dark on our bonfire night.


Some artsy fartsy walk in the woods. The walk in the woods was beautiful, but the art-well, let's just say some people have way too much time on their hands!





This wasn't too bad-something native American.


The Cabin, and my beautiful self! (I am now gagging).



The lake-now that's beautiful!!!!



Some of the kids with grandma-she looks rather tired!!



The water was nice and all the kids loved it. This is my four plus their two cousins.





This is my hubby. Um, I guess he's sleeping and trying to blow up the tube at the same time??





Aww, aren't they cute. OB1, my oldest is missing from this one.





Men and fire!





Princess and cuz hang out with dad and uncle on the dock.

I have a million more, but I'll spare you all!! I hope you enjoyed the pictures!!


Sunday, July 22, 2007

Tid Bits

This is the drivel part of my blog. My head has been spinning for a long time now-ever since I have been medicated I cannot seem to gather my thoughts! There have been ideas that have come and gone over and over since the beginning of this year. I have wanted to write about all of them, and have written about none of them. The thoughts seem to escape me the moment I sit face to face with the screen. It's like the flourescent white bewitches me, and I am drawn into it's nothingness.

Hence, today, I sat at my trusty keyboard to clack out some of those swirling thoughts in detail and alas, I have nothing. But I am going to try to form some of those thoughts into short questions and comments that may lead to something else, if nothing more than to find out a little bit more about me.

Who is God? No, seriously, how many people REALLY know who God is?

I don't like people. I just don't like them. I don't hate them, but I would rather be left alone many days. I love people, and I want to be there for people, but I often find myself wanting out of the crowd-like at church. I like to get to know people one on one, and I usually end up trying to dig deep to find out more about them, because that's what I like to do with people. I am not really interested in what their kitchen looks like or all the cute shoes they have, but I want what's inside-then all the rest falls into place. But, many, and I mean many people do not let you dig deep, at least not until you've known them long enough that they finally break, and I think I am so impatient that I end up avoiding people because of it. Some people don't open up at all-it drives me crazy-this is the selfish part of me. I would rather get past all of the formalities of getting to know people and just get straight to the point-who are you? I guess because I always make a fool of myself in front of others during the formalities of getting to know people, which then causes me to avoid them later on because I am a fool. Oh, I might as well just be honest here-I hate getting to know people. I love having great friends-and I do. But I have issues about getting to know people and I spend months nerve-wracked over this or that while in the process of deepening relationships. Sometimes I hate being an introvert, but often I relish it.

I wish I could see myself through other people's eyes. Who am I to other's? Is it the real me they see or something else? Are people honest with me about my flaws or do they sugar coat?

I am obsessive. Not necessarily in my actions, but in my feelings. I overreact to things internally. I stew. I keep it all inside me and somewhere along the line, I think it just dissolves. At least that is what I think, but I am beginning to think these things creep back to bite me when I am least expecting them.

That's all I've got for now. I am just so tired. I stay up too late and get up too late. I have to change my habits and I don't want to. But I have to.

Maybe I can try to write some more tidbits later.

Bye for now.