News

I just wanted to let you all know I may not be blogging anymore for a while. We may be getting rid of the internet. So if you don't see me around-that is the reason. I will miss blogging, and I may be able to blog once in a while at the library or something, but it won't be very often. Just thought you might want to know. See you around.

Longing For Meadows, But Learning to Love the Jungle.

Sitting on the couch, looking through some pages of a birthday book my aunt made with pictures, I have a bittersweet feeling looming over me. As my eyes move over each face, sometimes many faces, different thoughts come to my mind: "I remember when...", "Oh, they look like...", "I wish I could have...", "If only...", etc., etc., etc.

Time is not a friend. I realize that my life has passed me by without the opportunities I wish I could have had, but I know that I am who I am because of that. I can only think, "If only...", for so long, and I have to move on.

Though I cannot have the past, today and tomorrow is laid out in front of me-the path I have yet to walk. I do not want to walk through the jungle of chaos and danger that my parents dragged their children through. I love them, for they did the best they could to get us through that jungle, but we did not leave unscarred by it.

I look at some of the families in my family tree, and I wish my mom and dad could have followed them on their path. Either they walked in lush green meadows, or they chopped their way through their own jungle, clearing a safe path with sweat and love for those who came behind.

I am in the jungle. I chop and chop sometimes, but I get tired and start dragging my own children through the brush. Honestly, I would much rather walk through those meadows, but I don't know how to get there. Maybe we all walk through the jungle, but some of us do a better job at hewing out a clear path for those we love so they can walk in peace as they grow before they reach their own jungle.

Whatever the case, I don't want my kids to come out terribly scarred. They may have a few scrapes here and there, be don't we all? That's life.

Looking at those pictures, I wonder how you did it, or are doing it. I feel like that will never be me. Or maybe I am just reading too far into the happiness that seems to come from you all. We did not have that growing up-that sense of security, belonging, and love that seems to ooze from the lives of some of those in our rather large family. I too realize, though, that others may have been dragged through the jungle just like me, and maybe you know what I mean.

In the end, though I cannot go back and have something I missed, I want to move forward and give that to MY family. I want my kids to feel a part of this great big wonderful thing called the Rehfeldts, and also the smaller branch off of that tree, the Molanders.

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to shut out the past, to let go of the hurts and to move on to the life I want for my own family, my heart finds some reason not to. But, the sweet part is being able to hold on to so many wonderful things in my life, in our family, and among friends. My prayer every day, every moment, is that I remember all of those good things from God, and forget the scars. Though scars do not dissappear, they do fade, and some people come to forget they have them, even the ones that are clearly seen. I guess, that only comes when they accept the fact that they are scarred.

So, I am scarred, but I am blessed. I am thankful for the blessings I have been showered with in my life, and I hope you are too! You can't be part of the Rehfeldt family and not feel at least a little blessed, can you?

It's Almost Here

We start school on Monday and I am not ready. I have had so much on my plate the last two weeks that I have not been able to sit down and gather my ideas for the school year. I already made my lesson plan sheets and wrote down my ideas for the year, but I have not yet been able to purchase the workbooks we need. I hope to get that done today. I have my ideas in my head of how I want things to be, but I just do not feel mentally prepared for the year. I have been mentally preparing for half of the summer, but I am feeling a bit nervous.

The only thing that really worries me is discipline, self-discipline and the discipline of my kids. I have let things go with them, and I know how tough it is going to be to get my kids sitting and listening and working again. I am excited about teaching my two younger to read, and working on my second graders reading. I am excited about the schedule that I have made, and the determination I have to do a better job keeping it this year. I just don't feel confident about how my children will handle things. To me, my children's behavior last year was the biggest obstacle that we faced, and we will face it this year. Teaching them is easy and can be fun, but they do not always cooperate and I am not very good at disciplining them.

My goal this year is to teach my kids to love to learn. At this point, they hate "doing school"! And that is my fault because I was not thrilled about homeschooling last year. That all has to change for the year ahead of us and right now I feel that I am headed in the right direction.

So, as Monday approaches, I have a few days to get my head in the game, and be ready for our first day of school. I'll be ready, because I have to be.

What if you believed from the time you were a young child that the world was flat. Everyone knew that the world was flat and it was taught in school, and your parents told you it was so.

Then one day someone comes along and tells you that what you believed all your life is wrong. The world is actually round.

What do you do?

A. Deny it because everyone you know says the world is flat and you believe them.
B. Walk away from what you have been taught all of your life to be the truth, and agree wholeheartedly with him.
C. Find out why he believes that and then draw a conclusion.

If you choose A, well, what do you possibly lose? Not much, you certainly won't lose any friends or family, and what you don't know can't hurt you, right?

If you choose B, you're a fool!

If you choose C, you have an open mind to knowing the truth, but with caution that you could be led astray.

And, if you come to a conclusion that the world is round, well, what will everyone else do?
1. Call you a heretic?
2. Think you are mixed up and have been led astray-that you are a fool?
3. Laugh at you?
4. Condemn you?
5. Consider you certifiable?
6. Ignore you?
7. Debate with you?
8. Try to change your mind?
9. Disown you? or disassociate with you?
10. Etc., etc., etc.

There may be a few who actually listen to what you have to say, and even fewer that will truly believe you.

So, is following the truth an easy road to travel?

Ask those who thought the world was round and lived in a world full of people who absolutely knew that the world was flat.

Ask those who thought the earth revolved around the sun and lived in a world full of people who absolutely knew that the sun revolved around the earth.

I am wandering in a place much like those men of old who thought differently than the world and were persecuted at times. For what? For believing the truth.

I am not yet able to share what I have learned. I want to. I will eventually, but there are some other things that I am facing that I must go through first.

I do know that God is in control-and because of that, I cannot nor will I worry or fear.

By the way, in case you were wondering about the men who thought the world was round. They were right!

Pictures-just because.

Zach in the pool. He's a fish!

Austin settling in for the trip to the cabin.

Isaac and Mikayla at the train museum near the cabin.
























Zach and Austin next to them. They were standing under the big wheels loggers used to transport timber back in the day.

How Do They Do It?

How does anyone keep up with the times anymore these days? I have enough to do all day around my home with four kids. But add to that my two blogs, and a bible forum that I joined, not to mention trying to keep up with everyone on facebook. There aren't enough hours in the day for all of this nonsense!

Here I sit. Ironic isn't it? The internet has some kind of mesmerizing power that sucks you in, even when you know you have a billion other much more important thigs to attend to, four of which are standing behind you saying, "Why are you always on the computer mom?"

To which I reply, "I am not always on the computer!" Well, I'm not, you know. Just too much for their liking I suppose!

I try to get some things done in the morning before I get on to peruse. And then I check throughout the day to see if I have comments or if someone "wrote on my wall".
I also go to the bible forum quite frequently.

I know that I don't have time for it all. I actually waste time on here most days! So, I have decided to lessen my time here. Not necessarily writing on my blogs because those have been helpful tools in my life. But reading others and messing around on facebook-I just can't do it right now! It's not worth my time really!

So, I am off to help my boys clean their room that has been declared a disaster zone for a month-see ya later.

The Story of My Life

We're in the chip aisle at Wal-Mart, all six of us! I hear something behind me, turn around and see a man, average height, rotund, adorned with a mustache, and long, curly hair hanging out from beneath a ball cap. Standing behind our two carts, where my husband and son also stood, he wore an unpleasant expression on his face and my heart sank. It looked as though my husband had said something to him because he too had a look, only more startled than unpleasant. The man pushed passed us and mumbled under his breath, "You need to keep your kids in line."

He kept walking and I stared at him, wondering what we had done that was so terrible and I yelled down the aisle, "Do you even have kids?"

Again he mumbled, avoiding eye contact, "Yeah, and mine know how to behave."

"What, they're perfect? You never had a bad day?"

I was beginning to get angry at this point, and with his back turned to us, while he briskly walked away, he stated smugly, "Just get your free food and get out of here."

Something broke in me. I once again screamed down the aisle, "My husband works very hard for us so we can have what we need!"

He turned the corner and was gone.

I do not know what happened in the next few moments, except that I was a bit shaken and I did not want to shop anymore. Next thing I know my husband had left me alone with the three boys in the chip aisle, and I stood there for a long time with them as my mind whirled. I was mad that he left me because of how I felt, but as I began to venture around the corner I ran in to my husband who again looked a little off.

"I was getting myself in touble."

"What?" I asked.

"I went and asked him what it was we did to upset him."

My husband proceeded to tell me that he asked them to move four times until he finally said "Get the f- out of my way!"

Apparently neither my husband or my son heard him and my daughter who was sitting in one cart was holding on to the other cart so my son was having trouble pushing past them.

I was mad. All those feelings seem to come back when things like this happen. The last time I went to Wally world, my kids were perfect-seriously. Tonight they were a bit roudy, and fidgety, but certainly not horrible. I was hurt. All the guilt flooded my heart once again. I don't do this right. I make so many mistakes. My kids CAN be horrible sometimes.

I wanted out of the store, but knew that we needed to get some groceries. When we decided to go to the store together tonight, I had only planned on spending about $80 but ended up spending $130. I didn't keep track: I just felt like a zombie.

I think I am over it now. I console myself with the thought that a man who treats others the way we were treated could not have had perfect kids! What do you think?