Something in me just cannot do it! I want to, deep inside somewhere unfindable, but I can't.
I continue to change-daily, yet stay the same. What I want to do I just cannot. I look at otheres who have and do accomplish what I seem to be unable to do, and I wonder why. It's God right-that's got to be it, huh? But I know Him too, and I ask Him continuosly to make things better and to make me what I should be.
I just can't.
Maybe I just don't want to because it's easier to just let it go. But I will have innumerable regrets if I do that-do I even care. I thought I did, but I am not so sure anymore. I could never ever walk away from my family-I truly do love them, but I am not what I should be for them. And I cannot be. Maybe I will never be.
I know it seems like a bad attitude-maybe it is. I get so sick of reading these blogs, or books, or articles or whatever it may be, where the person is doing what I cannot. I think it may be jealousy. Maybe that's it. But they work hard for what they have I am sure, and if I want what they have, I have to work hard too.
But I can't.
Or maybe I just don't want to. Is anybody out there here in this place with me. Lately it seems like I am the only one and it is a very lonely place!!
If you are please tell me. If you aren't and you want to give me advice-please don't! At least not yet. I cannot handle it right now!
And of course, there is probably nobody out there because I have lost touch with the net world.
What else is there to say? I can't go anywhere else but up from here I suppose!
7 comments:
Im still here. I check in on your blog every now and then, to see if youve written anything.
Hope your having a good day. Please know that I am thinking of you.
I came by your blog this evening for the first time looking for some bloggers from Wisconsin and yours came up. I read your November 1st post and I can relate completely with your post. In fact, I got a strange feeling in my gut of recognition of that place. It was enough to make me leave a comment in hopes that you see it and it helps you. I've never left a comment on a blog before. I understand that feeling that everyone else out there is happy and has it together but I don't. I struggle with it daily and have struggled with it daily for a long time. The diffence is that I hit the deep, dark pit of suicidal depression several years ago and have been on my way up for about 5 years. It has gotten better and easier but it is still a daily struggle and I got through cycles of ups and downs. I'm on my way down right now...it's a winter thing. If you need to talk with someone who understands (and is also a homeschooler with young kids), let me know.
Well I dont know either how every one does it but I guess we have to keep keeping on. Hope things get better for you.
Thanks, Carey, Joann, and Mrs. Darling. I miss blogging so much, but we are not going to get it back at the moment. Hopefully someday in the future. I am doing okay right now, but I still pray for change, or understanding of how to get to that point. Maybe i am not supposed to right now. Maybe God just wants me to be content with what I am at this time. Anyways-thatnks for the comments.
Joann-I so appreciate your honesty! I hope that you keep heading up. I myself struggle with deppression-I am om medication for it. It has helped a great deal!! But there is so much about me that needs help! Thanks for making me feel not so alone! God bless you!!
Beth
Been there done that! I had many times that I felt alone and out of touch, many times I really thought that I would just give up and throw in the homeschooling towel. Hang in there. Life is hard, but God is good!!! Keep looking up!
In Christ,
Mary Smith
You need a girls night out
I feel for you. I have very often felt alone and lonely in the midst of people I love. I struggled with major depression for over 30 years (I am *only* 39) just recently found a way to shake it. Keep on trying and know you are not alone. One small piece of advice... so don't read any further if you still aren't ready for it... don't try to everything at once just as one day at time or one moment at a time is how we must live one thing at a time is also how we must live. Be specific and small in your quests. Don't beat yourself up everyone falters.
PS I have a blog that is more about the dark side of my life that is invitation only if you want to see a blog that isn't all roses and sunshine comment on my other blog and ask for my email.
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