My Life Savings

I am trying so hard to be thankful! Life is hitting me hard right now. So many things, little and big, and I am so tired.

Maybe we all have these moments in our life when we are carrying this carpet bag full of stuff. I wish I could just dump mine out and walk away, but you just can't do that.

I see others who are hurting and I realize how my bag of stuff is nothing compared to what they have in their lives.

I see how thankful some people are and pray that God fills my heart with as much gratitude.

I think I am just not used to riding this rollercoaster life. I like the merry-go-round, simple and slow. That merry-go-round disappeared months ago and I don't see it coming back for many years.

How do you adjust? How do you go from being home all the time, homeschooling, seeing your kids all the time, just being a wife and a mom, to living in the van, seeing your kids in a rushed manner on a daily basis, forgetting half the things you need to sign, or do, or take your kids to, working, trying to build a business, never getting your house clean because your always gone, etc, etc, etc...

I'm having a bit of trouble. And I am ashamed of my house.

Then there's my Dad, my family. I don't know how I feel, but I know we have some decisions to be making in the very near future. I never thought I would be doing this at 35.

I can't change anything. I know I have to step up to the plate as a mom. It's been hard, but I really need to do better in this arena! I love my kids and always want what's best for them, but my laziness can get in the way of that!

I know that putting my feelings here makes me a bit vulnerable, but I think I just need prayer and encouragement and that is why I am writing this.I have so much to be thankful for, and I don't want my gratitude to be swallowed up by the muck of emotions swirling around in my heart! I want to be happy, if anything, for my family. They don't need a mama that is constantly grouchy and sad.

I just have to know that God is here and He is walking me through this little tempest. I at least have peace in that.

The computer is a bit of a trifle to me right now, which is why I have been invisible. I am sorry to those who may feel I have not been the greatest friend or sister or daughter, or that I have ignored you. It has been a struggle to merely keep in touch with my children, so I hope you understand. I have been so blessed with awesome friends in my life who I do not deserve, and I love you all! Know that I think of you often!

I hope that everyone out there can see God's hand in their life no matter what's going on. It gets rough from time to time, but God's in it all, he's never far away. I pray that we can all see the things in our lives that matter most and thank God for them.

Praise God and I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!