What Was I Thinking?

I have felt led to blog for so long but the words just aren't coming. I am a thinker and it's often a curse that leads me to have many discussions with myself, and blogging is the alternative to that. So much has been going through my mind lately.

I am learning so much from the Lord that I wouldn't even know where to start. Sometimes, He shows something when I least expect it and I am in awe. Someone trying to encourage me when they knew I was struggling with anger and child-rearing reminded me to "think on these things."

What things? The pure, honest, just, good, lovely things in life. Christ tells us to do this in Philippians. I have read that verse a million times I am sure, but it just dawned on me in that moment as I read the note someone sent me, that I have to THINK. Dwell on, meditate on, think on the pure, honest, just, good, lovely things in life.

I havn't been doing that. I have been dwelling on how awful my children are, and how bad a mother I am, and how I yell too much, and how I lose my temper, and how my kids get in trouble alot, and I am so hard on them, and how I need to spend more time with them, and how much they fight and how mean they can be to one another, and how selfish I can be and how I wish I could snap my fingers and change everything-and the list goes on.

I know, how have I not shot myself yet? I don't know, but I sure am angry. I am just plain angry. Angry at myself, my kids, the world. It's not a fun place to be, and I know that I don't want to be there. The trouble is I haven't been thinking about the good things, and I am sure that if I actually gave it some good hearty thought-being the thinker that I am-I could come up with many more good, pure, lovely things to put into my head!!

That's it. That's what I am going to do. Lovely things. Pure things. Good things. Honest things. Just things. Think about them.

And I can share them with you too when I think of them. It may take another blog to do that- maybe many blogs!

My first thing is memories. They always make me smile. I have a journal full of silly anecdotes involving my children as they were growing up, and once in a while I will pull that treasure off my headboard in my bedroom and share some stories with my children. Once in a while they will beg me to read the stories again and I can't resist no matter how hard I try. They will bring them up sometimes just out of the blue and say, "Remember mom?". I can't help but smile about it and neither can my children!!

I would like to share one of those stories with you. I was driving somewhere when Zachary was three and Austin was one. Isaac was at school, I believe. My little Zachy kept saying something over and over. I couldn't hear him too well, but he did not relent. I listened closely and finally figured out that he was trying to tell me that there's a "Sot in my hoe, der's a sot in my hoe." Of course, I had absolutely NO idea what the boy was talking about but he would not let it rest, and repeated the phrase over and over again. I couldn't resist his sincerity and perserverance as he continued to try and make his momma understand him. I fixed my rear-view mirror on where he was sitting and took a peek back at him. I can still see his serious expression as he held his leg up for me. I noticed in a moment, his white, little big toe sticking out of his bright red sock. It took me a second or two, but I got it and replied to him. "Ooohhhh, there's a hole in your sock." He then, gave me a great big smile, put his leg down and turned his attention to the moving scenery out the window.

That is one of my favorites, and there are several more.

It's been a while since I wrote in that book. Maybe that is my problem!

"Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK on THESE things." Philippians 4:8