As a mother, there are certain things that just stab you in the heart. I have been walking around with a knife in my heart for about two weeks now because my children are all going to school in 14 days.
Now, some may think that I am silly for feeling this way, or maybe a little crazy for not jumping for joy at the fact that I will be completely alone after almost twelve years of having children constantly with me. But, I am having such a hard time with letting them go in my heart. I taught the two younger ones school for their first two years and enjoyed doing just that. I was planning on teaching them for another year, but an opportunity arose to send all of my children to one school for a little bit more than sendig two to another. As much as I tried to run away from the idea, I couldn't pass it up, as our desire has been to place them all in school eventually.
So, what is wrong with this momma? I think some things are just difficult to put into words and this is one of those things. I worry about my kids. I cry over them. I pray for them, and I have always wanted to be there for them no matter what. We don't have a perfect family, and there are things I often see that I want to magically snap my fingers and fix. And despite the times when they are fighting or being crazy, or just plain naughty, I love having them home. I wish I could handle homeschooling all of them, but it is just too much for me-but it is also difficult at times to have two in school and two at home-I feel split in two.
I just don't want them to go. I know, I am crazy, right? All I have known how to do these past 12 years is be a stay-at-home mom. I am moving into this new phase of life and I am a bit nervous at the very least. I can see someone asking, "WHY???". I mean, I am going to have a quiet house-wow-what is that?? I will have an opportunity to work outside the home and help out financially. I may even be able to get my house in order and KEEP it that way.
Despite ALL of that, I feel like this. I know, I know, it will pass. And I will be just fine. But for now, I wallow in the muck of the unkown. I never did like going there, but it's probably a good thing for me to be getting out of my comfort zone!!
3 comments:
Hang in there, Beth! Every new part of life both parts exciting and scary - we are both going through that right now, so we can lean on each other! :-)
Thanks Ann-Marie :)
This year will go by so fast, and I think you will really enjoy being home. Even though its a huge change!!
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