Just More Life

I have not felt the way that I feel right now in a very long time. I am angry, impatient, frustrated and tired. I am tired of so much. I am not supposed to feel this way right? Life is so easy for me right?

No, I'll tell you that being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom is very hard for me. I always knew that I wanted to stay home with my children, but I was not prepared for the idea of homeschooling.

So why do I homeschool?? Because I feel it's what is best for my kids at this point in time, and that may change. For now, I am the only teacher in there lives-well, besides church teachers, and I do not want to be. I am overwhelmed. I get overwhelmed by small things in life, so the big homeschooling monster is like my worst nightmare.

I am not afraid to homeschool though, I just don't want to. I am not in favor of public education, and private education is too expensive for us right now, so the only other way to go is homeschooling. I am so lazy-it's my biggest downfall. My laziness affects avery aspect of raising my kids, and the days that I fight it and try so hard to be a good mother and teacher, I am so worn and tired at the end of a day, or week.

I feel like my kids deserve better than I can offer them, not because I can't teach, but because I am not motivated to do it to the best of my ability. So, they suffer for it.

I honestly feel like one of the worst moms at times, even though once in a while, I see a glimmer of hope for us. I don't want to mess my kids up, but I feel like it's just inevitable!

To top it all off, I have been so uptight about EVERYTHING lately, and I think I am driving my children absolutely crazy. I think they are beginning to hate me for being so nit picky about stuff, and not praising them enough. I have to stop being like this I know.

And so it goes. And so it goes.