Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Monster in My Mind

I am jealous. Do you ever get jealous? And no matter how hard I try not to be, it just creeps up on me like the boogey man and "BOO", it's right there. Before I know it I am looking around and wishing I had this or was that. I hate it. Why can't I just be content with what I already have, and make the best of what I don't like?

It's my demon I suppose, this thing that plagues me, but I can tell you this much about it: It's a thief. It steals your joy. It takes your eyes off of the precious and valuable that God has given you, and makes you wish you had the other person's _________________. You fill in the blank. It could be anything. I'll tell you what it is for me, as hard as this is. Home. My home. Someone else's beautiful home. Someone else's decorative touch, or newly painted room, or freshly carpeted floor.

There are so many things I have found myself being jealous of, and tonight, I did it again. I looked around thinking, "Oh, that's so pretty, I wish MY __________ was that pretty. Oh and I love this _____________, I so wish I had something like that." (Ugh-will she never learn?)

I've often heard this cliche, "The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem." Well, people, I am admitting that I have a problem. I am a jealousaholic. Is there a cure?

I just want to have joy. I want to take joy in what's mine, since taking joy in what's YOURS just sounds ridiculous. I want to make the best of what I have with little or no money-that can be hard I suppose. I want to be thankful for what I have even if it's not as nice as yours.

I feel like singing, "WE SHALL OVERCOME!" Shall we?? Oh, I certainly hope so-because its a miserable world that jealousy lives in and I DON'T want to live there!!!! Join me in the fight against jealousy today. Say NO to jealousy! No, no, no no...is it working yet...no, no,no...keep shouting...no, no, no...Oh this is silly.

God, could you, would you, make me content? Whatever it takes...I hate saying that...but I do not want to be jealous of others. It's a painful, absurd way to live life. Wait, am I really living MY life if I am jealous? Nope, uh-uh, not a chance. I am just fantasizing about what if...well, you can go there but I have been there tonight and I don't want to go back.

I love my scratched up linoleum kitchen floor, and my once white, now gray carpet, my front porch that slants forward, and my leaky basement, because this is where I live. It's where the muddy little feet run, and the dirty little hands play. It's where we eat our meals around the dining room table, and read books every night. It could be marble floors, new plush carpeting, big open sunroom, and fully finished non-leaky basement. But without the little feet and hands-does it really matter all that much?

Join me in my fight. The battle of the ages against the big ugly green monster. I feel like David-but you know, he DID beat Goliath in the end, right. Im just sayin'.

8 comments:

Cup of Joe with three sugars said...

Just start hanging out with people that have dumpy ugly homes. Then theres no chance to be jealous! lol Im just kidding...my humor! :o)

a joyful nusiance said...

If you had a great house, you wouldn't want any kids in it!! You would be constantly afraid they were going to mess it up!

Oh, and you stole my saying. I'm just sayin.

Ann with an E said...

That's because I didn't know how to end this post and then I thought of my dear friend and asked myself, "How would SHE end it." Pretty admirable of me huh???

Oh, and Jess, I think your right.>chuckle chuckle< I need to start looking for friends with dumpy homes. heehee I have always loved your humor!!

Ann with an E said...

Jess, I do not have your email address. I lost it. So sometime I need to get that or give youi mine somehow. Is it unsafe to put it here in a comment? It's not like I have a ton of readers.:-)

Cup of Joe with three sugars said...

Hey Beth,
I asked Joe about that. He said he wouldnt because they have spam bots that scan for that sort of thing. Then ya have tons of spam. I will send ya a card with mine in it, ok? gives me an excuse to send ya some real mail. :o) Love ya!
btw, Happy Birthday to Isaac. Guess his bday is close to Julia's. Never realized that. Have fun!

Ann-Marie said...

You can't be jealous of me - I don't have a Pampered Chef 5" forged steel knife either!

It was unbelievably wonderful to see you the other night!!!

Tamrik said...

There is no need to be jealous of me - please!!! I know we all struggle with this from time to time or all of the time. I know that we are what we are, we have what we have - whether it be great or small - the Lord gave it all. By the way, I know a great way you can get the 5" utility knife. : ) Ha, Ha! It was fun having everyone over - we should do it more often.

Deb said...

Honesty is cool. Keep up the good work...it helps us all to be a little more honest with our own weaknesses of which we all have many. Love ya'